|
| Welcome |
 elcome To our humble website--The home of THE MORPIONS BAND.
They're here to do that thing that they do so well with pith and vigor, to an extent that has hithertofore not been witnessed by human or ape.
Something has gone haywire with the world when you can walk down the street and not find a transient yodeling along to The Backstreet Boys. The Morpions goal, as far as we know, is to kick so much tail that it upsets the very laws of physics.
The Morpions are the only entity in the world of popular music that can make any system tend toward a state of lower entropy and reverse the arrow of time. The Morpions are unlike anything you've experienced before -- because you've already experienced the Morpions (doubly true for ASU alumni), and the Morpions are different from one instant to the next! In fact, your parents were probably influenced by the Morpions -- at some "time" far in the future!
Just Add Morpions
It's a scientific FACT that The Morpions can and will change your life in under 4.3 seconds.
On the Van Halen threshold of radio-rocktitude, they measure over an 8.6, which is roughly 43,000.0 times higher than the average punk band (it's a logarithmic scale).
What does this mean? Well, friend, it means that adding The Morpions to your daily life can have a profound effect on your own personal value to society. Ergo, if you refuse to listen to The Morpions, St. Peter will send you to "Loser Heaven."
There's hope for you yet, however, as The Morpions have not yet begun to rock you out.
A fan of ours in Duluth, who asked to be referred to as Jimmy, wrote in saying how happy he was to have found us. Jimmy's life was dull and the thrill of collecting bug-shaped pebbles was wearing thin. Jimmy was in a rut, and then he found The Morpions. Just take look at what 24 hours of rocking out has done for Jimmy, and can do for you too*:
* Results not typical
Jimmy has reported to us that he is now dating women under 300 pounds and can drink at least as many handles of Winner's Cup vodka as it takes to make them look hot.
Congratulations, Jimmy, from all of us.
Testimonials
Let's see what the critics have to say...
The Morpions are like crack with butter on it!
--Phil Jacobs, Rolling Stone
I was having this terrible day once and after listening to The Morpions, I was able to walk for the first time in 11 years!
--Frank D., LA Times
Incredible! Life™ cereal tastes AWESOME, and so do The Morpions!
--Bob Roberts, Associated Press
The Morpions breast-feed John Madden!
--Jim Johnston, AZ Republic
They make a mean margarita and look great in print!
--Chip Badley, VOGUE
I can't BELIEVE this band EXISTS!
--Tommy Lee, Unemployed
Explore this site, there is certainly more to come.
-The Morpions
|
|
Navigation
Related Links